Our story begins in a humble Starbucks in downtown New Brunswick. A local mailman, Fabio, was waiting in line for his tall mocha latte. He was supposed to be delivering the mail to Starbucks, but the latte couldn't wait.
All of a sudden, some random man butts in-line in front of Fabio! Fabio was pissed! He whipped out a roll of newspaper and said, "You gonna get between me and my latte? You gonna die!"
Out of nowhere, two burly Italian men surrounded him and pulled him away from the man(who turned out to be Barack Obama!) Barack had him put straight into the slammer, so he couldn't get his latte.
Since Fabio was a scrawny, weak old man, his fellow jail mates felt they could mistreat him. He was "mistreated" multiple times in his cell, in the showers, even in the cafeteria!
Finally he couldn't take it anymore. One night he slipped his skinny body through the jail bars, and ran for his little mailman life. He ran so far, he found himself in Mexico. After hiding out there for two days he decided to go for a drink to celebrate his freedom.
And who should he see at the bar but Barack Obama! Imagine his surprise as Barack went on to say how sorry he was for Fabio's misfortunes and that he was in love with him! Barack knelt down on one knee and the (now) happy couple traded vows in that grungy bar in Mexico.
Then Obama whisked him off in his hovercraft, in which the took a tour of all the billions of Atlantic waves.
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